do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
