so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
