I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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