At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you win again, gameday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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