What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
