I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
