I don't usually arrange sex via text message
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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