Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
