My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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