Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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