hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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