I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
