I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
