Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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