i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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