dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
