They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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