please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
