I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
