checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
wow bdsm is so cute
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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