Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
