I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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