All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
