he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
