Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
