You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
