I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
