guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
