i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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