well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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