i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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