you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
