4 words: hood of his car
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
