she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
