Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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