I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
