but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
