He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
