I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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