ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
