And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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