Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
