I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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