Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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