I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh god it's open bar.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
