you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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