My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
