I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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