Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
