i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
