I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
