After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
