Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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