Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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