i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
