Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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