i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
