And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
