so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
