Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
