You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
