Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
