I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
