awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
