how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
