stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
