all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
