Your tits are I can't wait for
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
