i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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