Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
