It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
