Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
