I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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