two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
