you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
