As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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