you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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