I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
