I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
