hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
