I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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